Anatomy of the Walk

As much as I take the public transit...I walk just the same. Since walking around this concrete ridden city, I've noticed I begin to walk a bit more briskly, like I own this town (let's be real, I'm one mug shot away from doing so.) I often think to myself, "Taylor, what's become of you? What happened to the boy who used to mozy on to campus, parooze the streets like a nightwalker? Now you're all business and no pleasure." After that, I snap out of it, and walk to the current soundtrack of my life, spinning in my ear buds.

Lately I've begun to get slightly annoyed at the variance of walkers around town. Here is a list of the most Ri-Ri walkers that tend to stand, or should I say walk, in my way:

1) The Rain Walker

This might be the worst walker of them all.

When the umbrellas come out, all inhibitions are GONE!

People's heads are down, they walk with more haste, and are terrorists of the sidewalks.

I have to cruise through the streets with my own umbrella (a big one, nonetheless)

Playing my own game of dodge-person, the sidewalk gets narrow, my umbrella rises above the crowd so I can fit by. A line of people are coming my way, my umbrella gets turned sideways to slip by the people. All the while, the rain somehow manages to slip on my backside, drenching my behind. It becomes a lose-lose situation, where I become the ultimate loser.

Let the rain fall.

2)The Fat-as.

Have you ever walked up the stairs, too close to the booty in front of you? Of course you have.

Has that booty ever been so large, you're afraid to inhale for fear of something gnarc?

Affirmative.

Every time I exit the subway station, I head up the stairs with the mass, always behind the BIGGEST derriere of all the people. I often get caught in this scenario whilst at the lowest subway track, where Mama Rump has to go up three steps, take a breather while gripping the railing, then taking two more steps (MAX) before another rest.

They want a Trail of Tears???? I'll show them a Trail of Tears!

Me- sweating of the dense, muggy heat of the depths below the ground.

That's the closest thing I've felt to heat stroke, I just never thought my first time to pass out would be in the subway.

Check Yourself Big Booty.

3) Denial, isn't about you?

The all too common suit-type person, always have work in the palm of their hand.

Those who are to busy with their BlackBerry's (BBM-ing, no doubt), the paper, their iPads, etc.

...are the folk who take up all the sidewalk. They Mexican Road block you.

They fake you out by walking right down the middle of the sidewalk, then slightly lean right for the pass, but wait, then they fumble left to finally cross the street, leaving you behind to miss the "Walking Man" to cross the street.

Ladies and Gentleman: Please keep your personal belongings stowed away during the duration of your commute.

4) Shall we dance?

"2 to Tango" is the most awkward walk-in.

As you both near each other, you're thinking, which way to go, you choose right.

Blast, they chose left! You shimmy left as they scoot right, forming the NYShuffle.

I like to pretend we're on So You Think You Can Dance or something fun,

Then the fun and games comes screeching to a halt when someone gets hurt, or rather, bumped

The other day, this woman and I NYShuffled, and we hit!! She had the gall to get sassy with me!

I brushed her off and said, 'Take a Nap!"

Just Dance, it'll be OK!